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Nov. 7th, 2009 @ 09:56 am (no subject)
Current Mood: infuriated
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*tears hair out*

*weaves hair into rope*

*hangs self*
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[info]malakijr
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Nov. 6th, 2009 @ 08:03 pm bweeeee
So I'm not supposed to be lifting more than 10lbs for the next 6 weeks, to which I basically say "HAHAHAHA you think that pet food will walk into the house by itself?" Weds I brought 30lbs of dog food in, last night was the delivery of 40lbs of Roofood and bones for dogs.

I am ouchie enough that I have just taken half a percoset even though it will fuck with my sleep cycle and possibly wake me up in 3 hours to vomit. Woo. But on the plus side my intestines have not squirted out through my healing incision, so that's all right then.

It's things like this what make me think my Mom may be right when she says that being single isn't all it's cracked up to be. On the other hand, I just had some milk straight out of the carton.
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[info]slave2tehtink
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Nov. 5th, 2009 @ 06:45 pm Best $10 dog toy ever
...it suddenly strikes me as deeply peculiar that I think a $10 dog toy is cheap.

HOWEVER.

Light up fetchy ball is win. Lots and lots of win. Because a) we can play fetchy in the dark now, so Zille has gotten exercise and is not trying to play with everyone incessantly, but is instead lying around in a haze of post-fetchy bliss, and b) watching what looks like a disembodied color-changing glowing ball of light come floating back to you in the dark is just hilarious and surreal and fantastic.

I may have to see if my little camera can catch any of it. Also I wish I had a remote that would hold the shutter open on my Rebel, because the light trails from fetchy would just be amazing.
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Nov. 4th, 2009 @ 08:17 pm The light-up fetchy ball cannot get here fast enough.
The scene at my house after sunset: Tink in dog bed. Beowulf on futon. Zille, willy-nilly.

Tink: *yawn*
Zille: OMG LOVE ME!
Tink: Piss off!
Zille: OMG SAY ONE NICE THING C'MON JUST ONE NICE THING OMG ILU SO MUCH
Tink: I SAID PISS OFF.
Zille: I BET YOU CAN SAY ONE NICE THING TO ME IF YOU TRY REALLY HARD BECAUSE I TOTALLY WANT TO BE YOU WHEN I GROW UP.
Tink: I WILL SUCK YOUR EYES OUT OF YOUR SKULL OMG MOM MAKE HER STOP IT.
Me: Zille! Come here, I will let you suck on my sock.*
Zille: OMG SOC-- OMG HEY IT'S BEOWULF!
Beowulf: Oh god, she found me.
Zille: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BEOWULF I'M SO GLAD WE'RE FRIENDS
Beowulf: If I ignore you really hard, will you go away?
Zille: OMG LET'S BE BFFs CAN WE CAN WE PLEASE
Beowulf: I am TRYING to digest here. Digestion is hard work.
Zille: CAN WE DIGEST THINGS TOGETHER? OMG IS THAT MY FETCHY BALL YOU ARE TOUCHING?!!?!? MOOOOOM HE'S TOUCHING MY FETCHY BALL!!!!eleventy!
Me: Beowulf, how about you touch this here other ball instead?
Beowulf: Fine. I don't care. I just want to digest my dinner! Digestion is hard work!
Me: I know. Zille, here is your fetchy ball.
Zille: I SHALL PUT IT IN MY CRATE AND DEFEND IT WITH MY LI--OH HEY CAN I SUCK ON YOUR SOCK SOME MORE?
Me: Yes. You may suck on my sock. But you have to leave it on my foot.
Zille: CAN I TAKE IT OFF YOUR FOOT JUST A LITTLE BIT?
Me: No. It stays on my foot. No socks off feet.
Zille: HOW ABOUT NOW?
Me: No.
Zille: NOW?
Me: No.
Zille: NOW?
Me: NO!
Zille: BUT YOU STILL LOVE ME RIGHT WE ARE BFFs AND STUFF AND I LOVE YOU DON'T YOU LOVE ME?
Me: Yes, I still love you. You are good dog. Why don't you lie down and have a chewie?
Zille: CAN I HAVE YOUR SOCK?




*SHE JUST LOOOOOOVES SOCKS. AND SHOES. IF THERE ARE NO SOCKS AND NO SHOES, SHE WILL LICK YOUR TOES IN A DISTURBINGLY CONTEMPLATIVE MANNER. I AM NOT USED TO PETS ACHIEVING SOME KIND OF ZEN STATE WHILE SUCKING MY TOES. BUT HER FAVORITE THING TO DO IS TO TAKE YOUR SOCKS OFF YOUR FEET AND RUN AWAY WITH THEM TO HER CRATE WHERE THEY WILL JOIN THE ENORMOUS PILE OF OTHER THINGS SHE HAS STASHED IN HER CRATE.
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Nov. 4th, 2009 @ 10:49 am countdown to implosion...5...4...3...2...
Current Location: big rapids = brokentown
Current Mood: broken
Tags: , , , , , , ,
So for the past 3 weeks,a significant portion of my paycheck has been missing,with the phrase "Garnishment" attached to the deduction. I've been trying to figure out where it went, and the company has been "investigating" the loss (read: jerking each other off in the restroom) and today we found out what's been going on. the government is garnishing my wages to pay for my student loans (right, that thing they told me they weren't allowed to do because we had a hearing and I don't make enough money? Right). Well, I've been calling people all day, and apparently they had ANOTHER hearing without telling me about it (peachy) and decided that I DO make enough money for them to take SOME money. They're supposed to notify me 30 days before any such hearing can take place and give me time to submit proof of my expenses, but they didn't notify me. According t0o the bitchy, rude lady on the phone, it doesn't matter, because the money they're taking "won't even cover the interest on my loans" so she "doesn't know what I'm so upset about." Well, let me spell it out for you, entitled bitch: I do not have enough money to pay for toilet paper some months. I'm struggling to pay bills and buy food right now, and I kind of notice when a third of my paycheck just disappears into thin air. Her response? I should have thought of that before I took out student loans. My response? She should have thought of that before she decided to start taking money from my paycheck without giving me significant warning of the hearing. Her response? What am I going to do, take them to court? If I don't have money to buy toilet paper then I don't have money for an attorney.

Well played, lady. Well played.

So let's review. I don't have a computer, I don't have food stamps (those were canceled,so that's $15 less a month I have to buy food...I'm going to start fasting and eating only the plaster from my walls for food) and now I don't have a third of my paycheck every week (but it's ok because the money they take out that cripples me doesn't even cover the interest on my loans, so it's like they're not even making payments at all, so it's not a big deal).

Deep breaths. Deep breaths.

...

I don't know what to do anymore. Jenn and Alan still have my computer, so I don't know what to do about that, but if I could get it back, I want more than anything to try and retrieve the files off it, because that writing was the only thing keeping me going, and I know it wasn't perfect but I know it was good (no I can't just write it again from memory,so anyone who suggests that gets my foot up their ass) and I want it back. I need something. I can't even think about everything that's going on. Even sitting upright for hours in this cold computer lab with my joints aching, typing away at a noisy keyboard while people stare at me is better than nothing. It gives me something to cling to. This isn't a good time of year for everything to come crashing down around me like this. I'm a month and a half away from the time I lost Michael, and I don't have a church to go to on Christmas eve anymore to find something like peace, I don't have a lot to hold onto right now, and I'm tired and exhausted and worn out from working every day working so hard with nothing to look forward to but more days of working. I could deal with everything, the pain and the sickness and having no money and no food. I could endure it all (hell, I still AM enduring it all, peaches) if I had something to work toward. Right now I have nothing. Well, I have an evil little furrball depending on me, so that's something. But I'm really digging my claws in and gritting my teeth and trudging through shit right now, and it's wearing me down.

Forget saving for a laptop, forget buying toilet paper,forget buying food, forget everything. I need my writing. I need it like I need the air.

Deep breaths. Deep breaths.

What do I use for air now?
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Nov. 2nd, 2009 @ 07:50 pm "Genes, Environment Both Influence Risk of PTSD"
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[info]novanglus, posting in [info]p_t_s_d
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Nov. 2nd, 2009 @ 06:30 pm Random stuff
1) I MADE DINNER ALL BY MYSELF AND DIDN'T DIE. It was pretty good, actually. I made this butternut squash apple cranberry bake thing which is totally [info - livejourna.com] kristine_smith's fault. And it was nummy and there's leftovers for me to have for breakfast tomorrow. Although I think if I make it again I will sub cinnamon for nutmeg.

2) Do I have a 2? I don't, really. WAIT! DOG FRONT-FOOT PAWPRINTS!

So the standard for Dobermans calls for straight pasterns and tight little cat-feet. The standard for GSDs calls for sloping pasterns and not tight little cat feet. I was looking at wet dog footprints yesterday, and noticed that the Dobes walk mostly on their toes, with a little of the front of the main pad touching. Zille, on the other hand, looks like she gets full contact with the entire pad, which no doubt contributes (along with actually having a tail) to her amazing maneuverability which continues to confound Beowulf.

Also he would like her to stop running underneath him when they're playing.
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Nov. 1st, 2009 @ 06:17 pm I JUST LIKE LISTS, OK?
1) Went out and got the stuff to make this butternut squash/apple/cranberry bake today, because [info]kristine_smith is EEEEEEEVIL that's why. I forgot the stuff to make creamy sweet potato soup and Indian pudding though (some part of me twitches at that "Indian" and wants to substitute "Native American" or "First Nations" there. Is that appropriate for this circumstance? The "Indian" just bugs the crap out of me). So I need to go back to grocery with an actual list.

2) Broke down and bought Zille a light-up fetchy ball because now that daylight savings is over, we will be playing lots of fetchy in the dark til the days get long again. Not playing fetchy is NOT AN OPTION, because if she doesn't get exercise there is no living with her. Today since it was rainy and cold I dragged her to PetCo and the grocery with me (she didn't get to go in at the grocery).

A woman at PetCo (a dog food demonstrator person) annoyed the piss out of me, though. Zille generally does not wish to be all chummy with strangers. She's not afraid of strangers, her body language was relaxed and pretty confident, she just wasn't interested in chatting this woman up. And the woman was going on and on while I was looking at dog toys about how Zille was being fearful with her and I was all "MAYBE SHE JUST DOESN'T LIKE YOU" except I was polite and said "She's not really interested in strangers unless they have cookies." And then a young couple in, um, what passes for punkish clothing in these parts and the girl had funky colored hair and leggings I really envied and the guy had the weird scraggly goatee thing going on came around the corner and Zille was all "OMG HAI MY NEW BFFS". So I think the dog food demonstrator lady just didn't give off appropriate vibes.

I think people just expect all dogs to be all outgoing and enthusiastic about strangers and stuff, and I am totally OK with the fact that my girldogs are not. They're not scared of strangers, they're just pretty much not interested.

And then there was the young woman there with a dog rescue who was all "What kind of dog is she?" And I said she's a GSD and she said "She's too small to be a German Shepherd" and I was all "DO I NEED TO PRINT OFF HER PEDIGREE AND CARRY IT AROUND WITH ME?!" only, y'know, not. STFU WORLD I LOVE MY MINI SHEPHERD. She's not too small, she's an elegant snack-sized Shepherd. Although I do need to get more weight on her but seriously, you can shovel food into her ALL DAY and then she goes boinging and zipping and fetching and *poof* all her calories disappear!

3) I need to order more Roofood.

ETA:
4) Dyed a 22" x 90" silk scarf (12mm now that I looked it up, not 16mm) with Sandalwood and got a really beautiful soft peachy orange. Now need to order more dyes, although I still have a little alkanet, a little madder, and enough cochineal to do another couple scarves.
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Nov. 1st, 2009 @ 02:03 am From Twitter 10-31-2009

  • 15:53:09: I've been so busy this past week! A lot of stuff going on, but that's life. Thank goodness for weekends. Can't decide what to do tonight.
  • 15:54:33: http://pic.gd/0ee955 kitty cuteness

Tweets copied by twittinesis.com

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Oct. 31st, 2009 @ 09:37 pm Randomness
1) Everyone has seen Extreme Shepherding already, right? It makes me want to move to Wales and herd sheep for the rest of my life.

2) Roo is having some kind of Exotic Near-Fatal Love Deficiency problem. This is much worse than a Love Emergency and requires him to crawl all over me and use me as a jungle gym and slide down my chest from my shoulders, flopping trustingly into my hands and rolling around purring, all squinty-eyed with his ears stuck out sideways.

3) One of my last acts of Fiscal Irresponsibility was to order more soap from Om Shanti Handcrafts. My bathroom currently smells like vanilla patchouli and it is SO GOOD. I have approximately ten million other soaps to try but I think next up is the woods one, once the vanilla patchouli is gone which will happen in the next two days because I keep wallowing around in it.

4) My father made an amazon wishlist. He wants a pack of post-it notes and a case (6 cans) of canned brown bread with raisins. I love my parents to death but quite frankly it's totally amazing I turned out as normal as I did.

5) Post-operative follow-up with the doc on Weds and then I will be cleared for baths and sex again. I forgot to inquire during the post-op instruction-giving if "sex" just mean "no penetration" or "no penises" or "no orgasms". Probably because I was heavily drugged. So I have no clue what I'm not supposed to be doing right now and have therefore avoided doing anything. Except I did cheat on the bath thing because seriously, I love me a bathtub full of hot water + book. Double-plus good if the hot water has been scented with vanilla patchouli soap. Mmmm. Don't worry, I have kept my navel out of the water. The bruising is almost entirely gone now, and the incision is pretty well healed except for a teeny spot right at the front of my navel where my navel jewelry rubs it a bit. Even that, though, is not worryingly unhealed, it's just noticeably less healed than the rest.

Am still trying to decide exactly how one celebrates sterility. Maybe I'll pick up a caffeine habit again, since that's one of those things pregnant women are supposed to have only in moderation or not at all (one or the other, I don't remember which).
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Oct. 31st, 2009 @ 03:40 pm support site
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[info]potterfreak1, posting in [info]p_t_s_d
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Oct. 31st, 2009 @ 12:08 pm Purty colors
There is something soothing about dyeing things. Also as it turns out, I did not make an ugly scarf with the madder experiment. In fact, what I made was a pale but warm peach color. It's just a touch toward brown, but in person it is still totally freakin gorgeous. It's also 22" x 90" and to be honest, I don't think I know anyone who wears extravagantly long silk scarves. I would if it weren't peach, heh.

I am seriously debating an etsy shop at this point, because this stuff is going to TOTALLY take over my house even though my mother has run off with one cochineal scarf and one indigo one. Which reminds me, I need to tweak the indigo vat and bluify some things. I did spend time poking around Etsy looking at prices for comparable items, and they appear to be priced at $30-$35, which is an acceptable retail price for me (YES [info]teeka that is even after figuring in a wage for myself that is not starvation level! I AM BEING A GOOD GIRL PRICING MY WARES I SWEAR).

At any rate, beneath the cut: madder scarf (16mm Silk Satin), a cochineal scarf dyed with the second boiling of the last clump of cochineal bugs (19.5 mm silk charmeuse), and a pic of those two with a scarf from the first boiling of cochineal bugs (8mm habotai silk), so you can get an idea of relative colors and also because they look purty together. If the sun ever comes out, I'll get better pics.
( Color! )
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Oct. 30th, 2009 @ 09:58 pm Get a headache with me.
Beneath the cut is the pension request of my great-great-great-grandfather, who served in Co. B, 19th US Infantry during the Civil War.

Line 1 under "Service" pretty clearly says "B 19 U. S. Inf." which is where I get that. BUT WHAT THE FUCK DOES IT SAY UNDERNEATH THAT??

Ahem. Sorry. I get exciteable.
( Pension application )
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Oct. 29th, 2009 @ 05:50 pm Random stuff
1) I am dyeing a silk scarf in madder, only I think I fucked up the dye extraction and am going to get a sort of pale peachy brown color instead of red. Whoops. Oh well, if all else fails I will indigo the hell out of it, it's a 22" x 90" heavier silk scarf and I WILL MAKE IT PRETTY IF IT KILLS ME.

2) OMG! I GOT SOAP. And Kyphi body scrub. and [info - personal] kyleri sent a TINKTOY too! It's a pink stuffy ring with a sparkly pink setting on it. It is clearly a Tinktoy by virtue of being 1) pink 2) sparkly and 3) a stuffy. Tink is the only dog who does not destroy stuffies but rather carries them around sucking on them. And periodically you get:

Tink: *prances* OMGYAY A STUFFY I HAS ONE! MY STUFFY, LET ME SHOW YOU IT BUT FROM AFAR!
Beowulf: *looks toward stuffy or otherwise expresses mild interest*
Tink: OMG STUFFYSTEALER! YOU NO CAN HAS! GO TO HELL! MY STUFFY! *goes to dog bed and sucks on stuffy moodily*
Other dogs: *forget about Tink and her stuffy*
Tink: *prances* DID I MENTION I HAS STUFFY? A STUFFY, I HAS ONE.
Zille: *glances in a direction that might be mildly interpreted as "toward the stuffy"*
Tink: A BITCH, I WILL CHOKE ONE. MY STUFFY. MINE. YOU NO CAN HAS MY STUFFY OMG GO TO HELL! *goes to dog bed and sucks on stuffy moodily*

Lather, rinse, repeat. It's just never dull around here.
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Oct. 28th, 2009 @ 05:12 pm Bwee.
1) Beowulf had his annual exam today. He is down to a svelte 78lbs from a previous high of 83lbs. I attribute his trimmer, more muscly figure to equal parts Dexter, Zille, and me being less of an idiot with the food scoop.

2) I stayed home from work today. Did some work from home but will be taking some vacation time. What the fuck, why not.

3) The goddamned Asian ladybugs are out. Hatehatehate. I am now in the horrible position of hoping for a freeze so they will Go The Fuck Away and I will not have to vacuum them up 8 times a day.

4) Surgery site finally seems to be making good progress on healing now that I've managed to go a couple days with no one bouncing off it.

5) I have a headache and feel like crud.
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Oct. 27th, 2009 @ 12:36 pm asjdwehbefwuh
Current Location: big rapids = fuckyoutown
Current Mood: angry
Tags: , , , , , ,
I can't write about what's really wrong, so instead, I write movie reviews. I'm proud of this one,if you want to read it. It's for the movie "Funny Games." Yes,I know, everyone loves this movie and I'm the only one who doesn't like it and I'm stupid for not agreeing with everyone else. Still, I like my rambling, expletive-filled rant. Check it out if you want and leave me some comments (like "you just didn't understand the THEMES that were being discussed in the movie..." RIIIIIGHT): http://youcanhaveabigbox.blogspot.com/2009/10/funny-games-movie-71.html
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Oct. 26th, 2009 @ 07:15 pm DOG-BLOGGING OMG!
Zille, she is driving me nuts, I swear. In that laughing about it omg who's a cute doggy kind of way.

She is acting like I betrayed her trust in a horrible and fundamental fashion by screaming and collapsing in tears when she tried to give me an incisional hernia. So I throw the fetchy ball and she starts to bring it back to me and then she remembers that one time when she tried to bring it back really enthusiastically and I screamed and she gets all wounded and hang-dog and lurks around just out of reach with the ball. With her head down and her tail drooping and her whole body saying "I DO NOT KNOW IF I CAN EVER TRUST YOU AGAIN WITH MY FETCHY BALL". After much cajoling and pleading and crouching and swearing I will not scream this time, she will finally tentatively bring me the ball, so I throw it.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

Seriously, she is not a *timid* dog. She will trot along anywhere, and at most she will eye things dubiously and ask me what we are going to do about this and if I say "We're going to have cookies and edge closer!" then she is all "OH YAY COOKIES LET'S GET CLOSER AND HAVE MORE COOKIES OMG YAY". But she is *sensitive* dog and apparently I deeply wounded her trust by my involuntary screaming in pain when she planted her paws RIGHT ON TOP OF MY NAVEL.

Tink would have told me to get the hell over it by now. Actually, Tink did tell me to get the hell over it. Tink is HARDASS DOBERMAN. I tried to tell Zille she is HARDASS WORKING DOG but she was all "EVEN HARDASS WORKING DOGS HAVE FEELINGS YOU KNOW".

I am working on repairing her trust with cookies, full-body scritches, and other pleasantries.

I <3 that dog. But she drives me nuts.
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Oct. 26th, 2009 @ 04:45 pm Recovery Watch 09
It was going much better before I took a 65lb Shedder to the stomach.

FREE TO GOOD HOME*: 17 month old sable GSD bitch, spayed. Loves feet, socks, shoes, ear rubs, full-body scritchies, cats, dogs, fetchy ball, and braking by slamming her paws into your post-operative navel.


*Kidding. Mostly. Ow. Y helo thar, percoset.
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Oct. 25th, 2009 @ 06:05 pm Gazing into my bruised and bloody navel
( Self-absorption and capslock ahoy! )
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Oct. 25th, 2009 @ 04:05 pm Recovery Watch 09
Things were going quite well until Rooney Lee decided to make a trampoline of my bruised lower abdomen.

Free to good home*: 4yo neutered male red & white Cornish Rex cat. Loves cats, dogs, and people. Has no fear of the outdoors, no teeth, no front claws, and no respect for bruised abdomens.



*I AM KIDDING. Mostly. Sorta. Ow.
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